well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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