This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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