I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
