fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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