You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
