Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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