Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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