The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
