how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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