It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
