y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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