Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
