So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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