i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
