too bad you live with your parents still
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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