just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
