god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
