420 ftw
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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