Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
