Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
