Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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