make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
