Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
