i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
