Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
