there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
