I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
