Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
