"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
