let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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