Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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