he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
