I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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