Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
