I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
