Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
