I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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