we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
