even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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