dude i'm inner monologue high
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
