She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Boobs are out for the taking
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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