the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Non-Jews are for practice
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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