GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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