So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
where am i from again
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
