Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
