i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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