so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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