they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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