There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
