I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
