white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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