I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
