Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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