Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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