how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
