My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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