so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
