Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
