she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
