i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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