all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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