he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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